


Checkup

by Kiloueka



Series: Limbo [6]
Category: Dr. Mario (Video Games), NieR: Automata (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Hospital, Bodily Fluids, Crack, Crack Crossover, Crossover, Doctor - Freeform, Gen, doctor mario - Freeform, feral androids, goo, sludge - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:41:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22874917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiloueka/pseuds/Kiloueka
Summary: 2B and 9S take Stinky to the doctor to try to fix his leaky problem.
Series: Limbo [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/912921
Comments: 16
Kudos: 7
Collections: Feral Androids





	Checkup

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MeetTheTank](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeetTheTank/gifts), [derechoes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/derechoes/gifts).



> This is a crackfic I thought of to try to get out of a writer's block. It doesn't take place anywhere in the Limbo series.  
> ...Or does it?  
> Derechoes is horrible and said they can only see the Doctor as Dr. Mario so I'm changing it. To the 5 people that already read it, read it again. Any weird pronoun stuff is because I can't be fucked to search through a 5th time to see if I switched them all. Dr. Mario said "fuck-a gender"

“Doctor is there anything you can do to help?” 2B asked quietly as the medical professional walked into the room. Dr. Mario stopped in front of the exam table where a growling Stinky sat with two legs and one arm tied down. 9S stood behind them quietly with an uncomfortable expression on his face. 

Dr. Mario took one look at Stinky and grimaced. “Mama mia I don’t-a know what to say, I’m at a loss-a here,” Dr. Mario shrugged, turning to 2B and 9S. Stinky hissed and gnawed at his restraints but his broken, twisted teeth did little to damage the thick chains.

“St-tay away!” he hissed, spitting globs of slime at the three other androids. 2B and 9S jumped back but Dr. Mario wasn’t so quick and acrid goop splattered over his white lab coat.

“Waho, are you a-sure he’s not infected?”

“Virus scans come up clean,” 9S shrugged, “he’s just…like that.”

“Which is why we’re asking you for help,” 2B grumbled.

“D-don’t talk ab-b-b-bout me like I’m not hee-r--r-e-r,” Stinky growled.

“We’re trying to help you,” 9S snapped. “Just sit still for _five minutes_.”

“ _Nines,_ ” 2B hissed, 9S pouted and avoided eye contact with her.

Stinky simply growled back and continued to gnaw at his restraints. 

“We gave him a bath but he’s still…leaky.” 2B dodged out of the way of another glob of slime.

“Aiyee, o-akay well, I’m at a loss-a here. Doctor Mario does not want to die-a so you’re-a going to have to calm him down-a yourselves.” He turned to the messy cabinet behind him and pulled an old box with faded scribbly drawings on it.

“Here, this was a-for the human kiddos, it might a-work for him too.”

“I’m-m-m not a child!” Stinky hissed. “Or a huum-m-m-m.”

“True, but can even a big-a boy-a android like you resist…” he fumbled through the box and pulled something out, “a sticker!?” He held out a roll of colorful cartoon stickers and waved it in front of Stinky’s face. His eyes widened momentarily but he shook his head and turned away, pouting.

“No!” 

Dr. Mario handed 2B the stickers. 2B looked at the massive roll for a second then began to unravel it. She stopped when she caught sight of a little pink snake all tangled with itself with a speech bubble that said “oh noooo-s-s-s-s-s-s”. She peeled it off and held it out to Stinky, who still refused to look at her.

“Niiines, don’t you want the snakey?” she said in a sing-song voice.

“No!” Stinky snapped but quickly glanced at the sticker. 2B held it closer to him but he shifted away as far as he could. 

“Stinky just take the damn sticker,” 9S grunted. 2B gave him a quick glare which shut him up immediately. She reached forward and placed the sticker on Stinky’s nasty hospital gown. He growled and went to rip it off but the sticker got stuck to his finger. He growled again as he shook his hand to try to dislodge it but it continued to get even more stuck and messy.

All of a sudden Stinky jumped and yelped, swinging his hand behind him; he narrowly missed hitting Dr. Mario in the head as he stumbled back with an empty syringe in hand. 

“Wh-what did you d-d-d-o to me!?” he screeched.

“Okay one-a down,” Dr. Mario panted, ignoring him. “There’s-a some other stuff in the box that might-a help-a.”

2B looked through the box and found a bundle of lollipops at the bottom. She pulled one out and examined it; its plastic wrapping was yellow and brittle and the once-bright colors were now faded. It looked like it was made ten-thousand years ago. She looked at it for a moment, weighing her options. It definitely wasn’t something she or 9S would want but Stinky…well, his tastes were different.

She tried to remove the plastic but it crumbled to dust in her hand. Sighing, she quickly wiped the remaining bits of wrapper off on her skirt and held it out to Stinky.

“Hey Niiines, do you want a lollypop?” She waved it in front of his face.

His eyes sparkled once again but he quickly put his usual scowl back on. 

“No!” 

“Are you suuuure?” she smiled and inched forward. Stinky kept glancing between the candy and the wall and Dr. Mario but soon enough, his clawed hand flashed out and snatched the lollypop from 2B’s hand. He bit into it and it immediately crumbled in his mouth. Coughing and sputtering, he spat out bits of candy everywhere as he brushed his tongue off with his claws. He was so preoccupied that he didn’t see Dr. Mario sneak up on him with syringes in both hands. 

“Aiyee! S-stop it!” He swiped at Dr. Mario again and spat a glob of slime and candy bits at him. He was more prepared this time and barely managed to dodge it.

“That’s it for now!” Dr. Mario sang as he put down the needles. “You were such a good boy, let me get you some colorful bandaids for your ouchies!”

“I don’t wan-n-n-t-t,” he coughed. Dr. Mario pulled out some assorted bandaids in neon colors with various fun designs on them. He grabbed a few and fanned them out to show him all the choices.

“Don’t you want-a this bright blue a-swirly one? This one has-a little koopas!”

“You’re gonna need a hundred more boxes of those if it’s gonna do anything,” 9S grumbled, smirking a bit. Dr. Mario ignored him and stepped out of the way as Stinky spit another glob of slime. 9S wasn’t fast enough that time and it hit him directly in the chest. He let out warped cries as he squirmed and tore his shirt off and threw it on the floor. 

“Ugh gross!” he yelled and ran to the sink and began to furiously wipe off the bit that soaked through to his skin. He glared at Stinky as he smirked and used the distraction to swipe the entire set of bandaids from Dr. Mario’s hand. He stumbled back as Stinky threw them all in his mouth and began loudly chewing at them. 

Everyone grimaced at the sloppy sounds and 9S put his hands over his ears and retreated to the doorway. Stinky smirked and swallowed the wad of half-chewed bandaids.

“Well… I guess that works too,” Dr. Mario sighed. 

Stinky grunted and began to claw at his throat, face twisting in discomfort. He stuck his tongue out repeatedly, trying to dislodge remaining bits of bandaids from his teeth to no avail. 

“Mama mia he’s a-chokin,” Dr. Mario yelled. “Oh, no I don’t want-a give him the Heimlich.” 

2B looked around for something to use as even if she could grab him, he didn’t exactly even have a chest to dig her fists into. Stinky continued to gag and spit out small bits of stuff out, getting increasingly distressed. Before either of them could come up with a plan, 9S ran back in the room with a fire hose in tow. He grabbed Stinky by the hair, shoved the nozzle in his mouth, and let forth a swirling torrent of water. The entire room was quickly flooded with murky water and bandaid bits and whatever else had been lodged inside of Stinky. Every inch of space was splattered with various...things as 9S blasted the remaining bits of debris out of Stinky, who screamed and flailed all the while.

2B and Dr. Mario waded through the muck and restrained Stinky until the final large wad shot out of his gaping wound and nailed 9S right in the crotch. 9S let out a strained yelp and fell over, releasing his grip on the fire hose. The hose continued to spray water and whip around the entire room, smashing into windows and cabinets and ceiling tiles. 

Dr. Mario fled the room, cursing and 2B had to leap out and grab the hose and force it off. Bits of bandaid had wedged themselves in the valve somehow so it was a challenge for even 2B to fully turn off.

She shook the water from her hair and dropped the hose and nervously inspected the room. The damage was extensive; two of the four windows were shattered as were the glass doors of several cabinets. Bandages and pliers and other various medical supplies littered the counters and floors and foul-smelling colorful liquids leaked from several cracked bottles.

In the middle of it all Stinky lay still half-restrained to the exam table. He let out a feeble sob and waved one arm around weakly. 2B’s heart dropped.

“Nines! Nines are you okay?!” she screamed, lifting him up so the water could drain from him. He gurgled and groaned, angry eyes fixing on her. 

“F-fuck you,” he coughed.

“Okay, he’s gonna be okay,” 2B sighed. She wiped her brow and turned to the door where 9S and Dr. Mario stood on opposite ends of. They both barely peeked out but even the little bit of them they could see were splattered in grime. 9S had a pained look on his face and it looked like he was cradling his crotch in his hand.

Dr. Mario slowly reentered the room and looked around. He looked at Stinky, then the cabinets and windows, then the murky water still flooding into the hall, then back to Stinky. He ignored him and continued to cough up more dirty water.

Dr. Mario sighed loudly, slapped a bandaid on Stinky’s knee, ripped his stethoscope off and threw it on the floor. He stormed out of the room past a cringing 9S and stopped as he reached the doorway.

“I-a quit!”

“Oh dear,” 2B mumbled as she watched Dr. Mario disappear. A rustling sound behind her caught her attention and she turned to see Stinky grabbing a handful of lollipops from the unguarded treat box.

“Stinky, NO!” 2B and 9S screamed in unison as he shoved them all in his mouth, wrapper and all. 2B lunged forward and yanked the candy from his mouth before he had a chance to crunch any of them. She threw them into the hall as Stinky screamed in frustration and began coughing again on the bits of plastic and candy powder that plastered his tongue.

“Do I have to get the fire hose again?” 9S sighed.

“No!” 2B yelled, “Just get me a cup of water. Just a cup!”

“Okay!” he stepped back and pulled a little paper cup from the mess of broken supplies, scooped some water out from the sink and handed it to 2B. She looked at the cup then back to 9S and huffed. He grumbled under his breath and turned to refill the cup with fresh water from the tap. After he handed her the cup he turned to the roll of stickers and stared at it for a moment.

He looked to 2B as she forced Stinky to drink the water, then to the doorway and sighed. He picked out a sticker with a little gray cat eating a mackerel, slapped it on his forehead and left the room.

**Author's Note:**

> Pls someone draw the stickers for me.  
> And Dr. Mario slapping a sticker on Stinky's knee.


End file.
